Beaver Falls - Since the fall of 2011, Geneva College has experienced a decline in attendance. It
is with many grievances that The Cupboard reveals these problems have seemed to roll-over
into the 2012 Freshman enrollment as well. Geneva has gone to interesting measures
(elimination of off-campus living, rise in tuition cost etc.) to ensure the college can stay afloat in
these difficult economic times. However, with the number of deposits from prospectives
students down this spring, the admissions department has gone to all new heights in attempts to
raise attendance.
After surface digging on the subject, our insiders unearthed evidence that throughout the
month of February, campus tours included the smoker’s gazebo to try to reach a new
demographic of prospectives. To aid in the gazebo recruitment process, admissions also
revealed plans of vamping up the gazebo’s public image by circling it with a smoker’s garden.
As expected, this “interesting” PR move for the college was met with mixed feelings from
the community. Student tour guide Sean Kleckner spoke on the topic, “I strongly disagree with
the decision and feel it is not in the college’s best interest to advocate this as one of our selling
points.” However, in a passing interview with Dave Leyton, the Dean of Enrollment weighed into
the discussion with a mere “it’s whatever”. In support of the move, the railing of the gazebo
stated, “One last buzz to keep me sane, one last cigarette to ease the pain.”
Insiders report the desperate move was nixed over spring break as literally not a single
prospective seemed interested in the proclaimed “hipster garden.” Also, one tour guide to remain
unnamed stated, “I saw some interesting leaves in that garden, and I don’t think they were maple
leaves, eh.” Moving forward, the admissions department is open to new ideas and physical plant
is taking workers at limited pay to paint the gazebo and cut the “weeds” in the surrounding area.
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