Statistics show homework 50% harder with chapel lights off

In a recent study conducted by the chapel committee, the newly implemented “dark chapel” has produced multiple changes in student behavior. Our insiders report, that with the dim lighting throughout the gym, and the sky spotlight placed directly over the chapel speaker there have been many noticeable changes in the chapel atmosphere. Among the most prominent statistics released in the study, students attempting to read for their upcoming humanities class at 11:15, study for their 1:25 micro economics exam, complete their dynamics homework, and finish the third book in the Hunger Games series, find their efforts 50% more difficult. The study also brought favorable results in other fields: The chapel speakers were deemed 130% more angelic in appearance with the glowing aura of the overhead spotlight. In addition, students were 34% less likely to blame their silence during the closing psalm on the words being too hard to read. Every 6 on the Geneva scale was immediately upgraded to a 7, and Bible App reading was increased by 100% (from 1 to 2, David Smith just bought an iPhone).  Every statistic, however, did not work out in the favor of the chapel committee. 75% more students were caught falling asleep (a number that may have been higher if the statistician had not taken a nap with 5 minutes to go.) Angry Birds and Words with Friends playing increased by 30%, and balding speakers can only be looked at for 10 seconds at a time before there is permanent damage to the retina. Despite these negative results, the chapel committee is well pleased with the results and will continue to think of ways to change chapel to distract students from endlessly complaining about exclusive psalmody again.