Thursday, March 15, 2012

Tornado’s Warned for Tornado Warnings


The Geneva College Athletic Department has been under scrutiny from the College Board after they were issued an official warning from the National Weather Service (NWS) earlier this week in regards to the weekly Tornado Warnings announced before various sporting events.
In a press conference on February 28, a thin, sweaty representative from the NWS gave this statement: “Geneva college has no authority to warn anyone of any weather related event, and my department has officially warned them to stop warning others of tornado's. That is literally my only job description.”
The athletic department met this censure with a disappointed but respectful tone: “Tornadoes have been a source of unrelenting strife through Geneva’s history. Our mascot is a truly horrifying tornado, but the Athletic Department will no longer be able to issue tornado warnings before any Football games or any other sporting events. These are sad times” - Dr. Kim Gall of the Geneva Athletics.
Basketball Forward Lambros Savingos told us, “I believe that this warning will really affect the intimidation factor for our entire athletic department. Our opponents were genuinely scared most of time when they heard about the tornado warning, and would consistently check their weather channel apps during timeouts and halftime. I would attribute at least thirty percent of our home game wins to the warnings.”
The College Board could not be reached for a statement, so we asked the student intern, “[We] are just really busy lately, there are a lot of papers to shred and the coffee pot won’t fill itself.”

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